Harry Wallop of the Daily Telegraph has recently become exercised about the decline of the ‘every-day’ biscuits in favour of the more arriviste chocolate chip cookies and exotic Viennese whirls. As Bertie Wooster would say, this takes the giddy biscuit!
A nice cup of tea and a bit of a sit down is part of a Chap’s rigorous daily schedule and so a guide to the biscuits a gentleman’s gentlemen should be providing on the tea tray:
10 –Sportman’s Biscuit
Pictures of various sporting activities depicted on a biscuit, which is mildly bizarre but a jolly nice biscuit to dunk in tea.
9 – Malted milk
Comforting and made with oodles of milk. Introduced in 1924, a perfectly lovely accompaniment to a Chap’s morning coffee.
8 – Jaffa cake
Is it a cake or a biscuit? A VAT Tribunal ruled that a Jaffa Cake is a cake not a biscuit. Footling legal niceties aside, this is a lovely teatime treat and so we’ll include it anyway.
7 – Bourbon
Chocolate biscuits often have the problem of melting when placed on the saucer. This little beauty avoids that peril with a satisfyingly cocoa crunch.
6 – Gingernut
A really good ginger biscuit should be slightly salty and a hint of spice. Grrr.
5 – Fig roll
A Chap needs a bit of fibre (both moral and actual) and this little beauty practically counts as one of your five a day?
4 – Digestive
The term ‘digestive’ arose because of the perceived antacid properties because of the use of sodium bicarbonate when first developed. Or something. In fact, McVities digestives now have a disclaimer that "The ingredients in this biscuit do not contain any substances that assist digestion." Nevertheless, a splendidly British munch.
3 – Custard cream
A crunchy biscuit with the hint of custard powder to give a Chap a whiff of pudding with a cup of tea. Perfect.
2 –Tunnock’s Chocolate Caramel Wafer
Five layers of chewy caramel, chocolate and jolly wrapper – over 5,000,000 made and sold per week, apparently. For when a Chap requires a more substantial biccie.
1 – Plain chocolate digestive
If a Chap takes the risk of a bit of melting chocolate, the perfect combination of sweet oatmeal with a hint dark chocolate to give a bit of bite. Whilst many Chaps may favour the milk chocolate variety, the plain chocolate lends an air of devilish sophistication to accompany one’s favourite cup of tea.
